Like You've Never Done This (or that, or that)

1. Just after my second child was born we found ourselves at Walmart on a jam-packed Saturday night. Must have been date night because we were in the music section. Since the baby was so new we of course had brought him along (of course). He was riding shotgun in the carseat carrier in the seat of the cart. Those car seats sure are tall. All of a sudden my husband says, "Whoa, honey, watch out!" I look over the baby to see that I'm pushing a woman in a wheelchair with the cart.

I'm still waiting to receive a dirtier look than the one she gave me.

2. Very recently, while my husband was out of town, I had the supreme pleasure of herding all of my cats to church. Wait, I mean my children. Like any practical woman with 3 kids and no help, I nursed the baby before leaving the house.

I should note here that I did not buy nursing bras after this baby. Instead I bought faux nursing bras. Faux in that the strap detaches at the top of the cup, but it wasn't actually designed for nursing. Works for me.

So halfway through Sunday School, in my skirt and white button down shirt (yeah, you can see where this is going), the baby decides she needs just a little more. I go into the mother's room and discover that the right cup of my bra is still folded down. Nursing pad and garments are covering the pertinent parts, but I have been wandering around with my own little show going on and not realizing it.

Why didn't anyone tell me? Is it a bigger social faux pas to inform the wanderer that they're half-dressed than to be the wanderee?

And just because I believe in decorating in odd numbers, here's a third story.

3. In Relief Society one Sunday I was substituting as chorister. We had a fine opening song, a very serious lesson, and now it's time for the closing song. The pianist (who chose the songs we were singing) struggles through the introductory notes, and we start singing. Or we would have if anyone had ever heard this song before.

You know how people mumble when they don't know the words? This was worse. Not only did no one know the words, no one could follow the music either because the pianist didn't know what she was playing. Halfway through the first verse I started laughing, and then the pianist did. We tried several times to start again but we just couldn't connect. By this time everyone in RS is laughing too hard to get through the song. Kindly, one of the little old ladies in the 2nd row finally suggested that we just call it good.

I've always thought that when people leave social situations they tend to think about how they acted and what they said more than what anyone else said or did. Except this time. They were still talking about this the following week.

In real life, I provide the comic relief.

Things I've Called My Landlord About

- The time that the laundry room smelled like bacon.
- The time that the hot water heater wasn't working.
- The time that the knobs on the washer and dryer broke.
- The time that the grass was so long it was going to seed.
- The time we had brown water coming into the washing machine.
- The time the garage door was bouncing.
- The time the garage door wouldn't work.
- The time that the stairwell light wasn't working.
- The time that the smoke alarms kept going off.
- The time that I was worried about mold in the basement.
- The time that we had a flood.
- The time that we had a flood.
- The time that we had a flood.
- The time that we had a flood.
- The time that we had a flood.
- The time that we had a flood.
- The time that we had a flood.
- The time that we had a flood.
- The time that we had a flood.
- The time that we had a flood.
- The time that we had a flood.

I realize some of these make me look stupid, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I will tell you that the bacon smell stumped the landlord too. He's a builder and was calling his electrician, the plumber, everyone to see if they could think of what the smell could be coming from. Everybody's first question was, "Is she COOKING bacon?". Umm, I'm not THAT stupid. Since we couldn't figure it out he just said to let him know if it got worse. Then he went next door to ask the neighbors about something unrelated and discovered that the smell was from some extremely strong sausage that they were cooking (the laundry rooms and kitchens match up in our duplex).

We gave the landlord a box of bacon for Christmas that year.

I'm not a TOTAL copycat, I did scrounge up my own quotes

These are random movie quotes from movies I liked. Most of them I've seen more than once - and quite a few of the quotes I use in real life. Hopefully you've seen some of them too or this is gonna be lame. You tell me which movie they came from....see, it's a game! Uh, but no prize - just the feeling of a job well done. Good luck!

1. It's been many years since I had such an exemplary vegetable. - Pride & Prejudice
2. I do not wear shoes, they make me fall down. - The Birdcage
3. There's no crying in baseball! - A League of Their Own
4. I owe you from the thing with the guy in the place. - Ocean's 11
5. Good times - noodle salad. - As Good As It Gets
6. Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs. - Die Hard
7. What we need is a plan. A p-l-a-n. - Sgt. Bilko
8. I said "IF". - Cinderella
9. Way to go I-da-ho! - Toy Story
10. If all the animals on the equator were capable of flattery, then Thanksgiving and Halloween would fall on the same date. - Ocean's 12
11. I'll be by the second palm tree on the left. The usual palm tree. - An Ideal Husband
12. I don't want to go on the cart! - Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail
13. ...picked up the dagger, ran down the hall, and stabbed the cook. - Clue
14. Don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter. - Napolean Dynamite
15. Did you think that was fast? I thought that was fast. Well, was it? - Maverick

Just Reinforcing the Belief

I've had weird dreams all my life: I've robbed the food court at the mall, and then felt so guilty that I tried to give all the money back before they could arrest me; I've beat the crap out of multiple people; I've been able to run/jump so well that my feet only touched the ground at each telephone pole; I've been eaten by a mechanical spider; Dinosaurs have visited me; My teeth have fallen out; I've startled myself awake before by screaming or shaking; the list goes on and on.

But never, NEVER, until last night have I physically hurt myself while sleeping. This was not just that I slept wrong and was sore somewhere...no, no, that would be too normal. No, I was dreaming about smacking someone behind me in the face (violent dreams, I know) and my arm responded and my hand hit the headboard and now my hand is bruised below my thumb. It's also a little swollen and very sore.

The majority of you already knew I was weird, right? And for those of you who didn't....don't judge me - you haven't been translated yet either. :)

Opportunity Lost

I have made a new friend who is moving away. The very sad part is that we could have been friends for three years, but have only very recently discovered how much we have in common and how much we like each other. Between her shyness and my "putting on a good face" for people (don't start, I'm trying to fix the problem), we have wasted almost three years of what would have been a fantastic friendship. I fully intend to keep in touch with her, and I have a feeling I will count her among my dearest friends, but it makes me upset that we did this - and I know it bothers her too.

I am going to try harder to reach out to people, because this is a lesson I don't want to repeat. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted and have a friend - so if I have to be the one to reach out, then I will. But if I reach out to you, will you do me a favor and reach back and meet me halfway? So much easier all around.

Thanks to the ladies for a great girls night last night - it's the longest one I've had in a while. Sheena, I expect a blog link very, very soon. And I will miss you, my friend.

My Favorite Commercial Ever

Thanks to SuperSix4 for clueing me in...whoever you are.

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb

I can't figure out how to post a video from You Tube. Could you clue me in?

Chicken? Why, Yes I Am

Yesterday we helped my parents spread 4 yards of bark around. Afterward, dad suggested we take out the motorcycle and spend some time together.

HA. HA. HA. (Did you see the title of this post?)

Ryan didn't need to be asked twice, and since I'm trying not to be boring or vanilla I played along like it sounded like fun. While Ryan got the bike ready I snuck back in and told my mom where to find our wills. Just to be clear, I have no doubt about Ryan's ability to drive the motorcycle....it's all the other crazies on the road that I worry about. Dad wanted us to go out to the casino in Idaho (backroads all the way, very pretty), but we ended up just running down to Freeman and then back up Dishman-Mica for a fairly short ride. Turns out all that hiking Ryan did in field camp is wreaking havoc on his hips, so the ride wasn't that comfortable for him.

The biggest surprise is that I actually had a good time (and even relaxed enough to enjoy it and not lean the opposite way when we turned) by the end of the ride. So we'll probably do it again sometime. Plus, mom already knows where the wills are. ;)

I'm a Copycat

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. Thanks!

Now, no one is required to play in order to read my blog. Just thought it might be fun.

P.S. nothing too personal, this is a family sight you know! :)

RYAN IS HOME!!!!!

So I won't be blogging for a little while.....:)