I'm thinking about running away. For a month. I'll bring the baby 'cause I still like her, but Ryan's gonna have to keep the boys. For a month. I think it's only fair to play with his sanity since we're playing with mine first.
I've been thinking in all my spare time about all the things that I need to be doing, and then I stupidly compared that list to all the things I am doing and realized that there is quite a defecit between the two.
I am having a crisis of confidence in my mental abilities. Lately I feel SO STUPID...it's pregnancy stupid without the pregnancy. I am stupid to the point that I don't remember how long it took after the other kids to start feeling smart again. Do you think this means that I never got smart again? that I'm in a perpetual mental free-fall? This is brought on in part by these two wonderful young (twenty-nothings) ladies in our ward who are just on fire spiritually, and I can't remember things that I know that I already knew! Like the difference between immortality and eternal life. I used to know the difference, and I do know the difference, but I recently forgot the difference in RS on Sunday and made a STUPID comment, which just goes on to prove my point. Wait, did I have one?
On the whole boring/vanilla thing (read Raelene's blog if you're lost), the more I look at my life objectively, the more boring I seem. I really don't do anything that very many people would find interesting. I have all these aspirations and good intentions (we know what road those will pave) but I just don't know...I feel very Jack-of-all-trades-but-a-master-of-none. I try to rationalize that I have a lot of different interests, but if I can't commit to becoming highly skilled at any one thing, then what does that really say about me?
I think that my self-esteem may have fallen into the toilet with my sunglasses. :)
6.25.2008
Jumbled Thoughts
Posted by Valerie at 10:34 PM
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4 comments:
Will it give you any consolation to know that you are way smarter and skilled than me... hmm.... probably not.... that's not hard. I often have to remind myself to every thing there is a season. It's hard to see past the hum drum of little kid-dom. Sounds like you need to get a sitter and take yourself on a date. Cheer up Charlie (Andy always says that to me and I hate it! :)
hmmm, maybe this sounds more morose than I meant it to....
I think I totally get it! I don't have any single parenting happening and yet I feel the same way. Maybe it's genetic?
I hear ya sista! Took the words right out of my mouth, and for my your title jumbled thoughts- should be the title right above a picture of me!
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