Last night I got together with my non-Mormon group and played Pinochle, which I know makes me sound like an old lady, but is really very fun. As we were playing along I made a comment about one of the regular members of the group being "so fetchin' in shape" and everybody at my table did a double take. I laughed and said it was my mormon swear word.

Hold the phone - you're mormon?

Now, it's not like I was hiding anything, but I wasn't waving my Title of Liberty around either. I know it's come up at one other game night, but I guess only the people at the one table knew. After that I just figured everyone knew. Apparently not.

So then, of course, we had the explain this, explain that conversation. Here are just a few of my favorites that I had never heard before:

Them: So, isn't it true that if a woman has seven children she is guaranteed to get into heaven?*
Me: Bwahhahahahaha! No! Hahahaha......ahhhhh.

Them: What about the planets. Isn't there one called Holof, or Koloft, or is it Zoloft?
Me: (giggling) Yeah, we're all on planet Zoloft and that's why we're so happy (we did establish that Zoloft is a mood enhancing prescription drug and is not actually a planet).

There were the standard ones about garments. In fact more than I had heard before, but the funniest one wanted to know if they came in spandex to suck you in, 'cause she could maybe get on board with that.

They were very careful to repeatedly make sure that I wasn't uncomfortable with all their questions, and several of them said that they had never been comfortable enough around a mormon to ask their questions before. I'd rather have them ask than wander around thinking they know something that is just. not. true.




*Okay, is it just me, or if that was the guarantee wouldn't everyone have seven kids and then need to be living on planet Zoloft as a result?